Setting Boundaries...

By: Connie J..., September 29, 2025

I recently had a situation happen, with someone I consider to be close. I have asked them to not speak FOR me, numerous times, when someone asks ME a question. We, again, had the same scenario about a month ago.

When it happened, before, I called them as I was leaving the venue, expressing my anger and frustration (they had left before I did). Well - fast forward to almost exactly a year, later - BAM, same thing happened.

I just spoke to them, this week, after almost a month. I have been working on what to say, all this time - in writing; but I realized, that me taking any more time, seemed a bit cruel, as I usually speak to them at least once or twice a week. So, I called them the other night (they had texted me, "How's it going?", almost a week ago); and what I wanted to say came out clearly, just the way I wanted it.

Their response was an apology - they didn't realize was angry, followed by, "I'll try."

When I awoke the next day, my thought process was that, "I'll try", is like a child when caught doing something wrong, asking, "Please Mommy, can I have one more chance??!". It did NOT sit well with me, at all.

They are an adult. I realize I cannot control what another person does, or says - only how I react/don't react to a situation. As I have previously blogged, I am working the "Let Them Theory" by Mel Robbins, into my "life toolbox".

The first part is "Let Them" do what they're going to do; ah, but that second part is, "Let ME do what I NEED to do". This is where Boundaries enter the situation.

See, letting them be who they are, does NOT give them carte blanche to treat you however they want and you just lie there, like a doormat. You need to work out, and inform THEM, in advance, "if you do A, B will happen". Just like should be done with children.

Also, I was VERRRRRRY angry at first - that's why I wanted to wait until I wasn't, to confront them; and I told them this. As I did, they grew up with a rageaholic; and always got caught up in the "why are they angry with me??!", missing the real issue.

I am still working out the specifics on what my boundary will be; but, here we are. It has to be a boundary I WILL follow through with - otherwise, this last month has been a complete waste of my brain process.

I will not let their actions stop me from going where I want to go, or be with the people with whom I want to be.

How have you handled this type of situation, in the past? Does it sound familiar? What did YOU learn from it?

We would LOVE to hear any insight you might have. Please contact the ministry via this website; or email us at Ozer Ministries, Inc - ozerministries@att.net; or my email - Connie J... - beamererin@yahoo.com. Have a good day, and be safe!!! #ENDtheSILENCEofVIOLENCE #isityou #domesticviolenceiseverywhere #youarenotalone #doyouknow #boundaries

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PREVIOUS POSTS

The Grief of Abuse...

By Connie J... • September 22, 2025

One of the things many people skip over, when they discuss working through their abuse, is the overwhelming sense of Grief you're left holding. It can be for any number of reasons - but the feelings you have are just as real, and important, as the abuse itself. If you don't process that Grief, right alongside it, if possible - it's kind of like walking forward, while leaving your stomach in a pile, behind you. THAT'S how important it is to process!!! Some of it could be the longing, "for what could/should have been", or the emptiness when you realize how little you really meant to someone. The list is endless, really - as are those feelings. Even an unfulfilled promise someone made to you - Grief is infinite. It also has NO time limit to process - years later, you could be driving you car, and pass something that triggers a memory - all those feelings come rushing back. You may be able to avoid it, temporarily; but it will keep coming up, until you deal with it. I'm not saying you have to LIVE in your Grief - I did that for a very loooooong time - believe me, not the most effective. But, ignoring it will NOT make it go away. I encourage you to stay as current as possible with your feelings - then you're more prepared when those "undealt-with" feelings come rushing back. You are less likely to get swept away by that "current"... Does this bring to mind any situations in YOUR life? We would LOVE to hear any insight you might have. Please contact the ministry via this website; or email us at Ozer Ministries, Inc - ozerministries@att.net ; or my email - Connie J... - beamererin@yahoo.com . Have a good day, and be safe!!! #ENDtheSILENCEofVIOLENCE #isityou #domesticviolenceiseverywhere #youarenotalone #doyouknow

Someone Else??!

By Connie J... • September 15, 2025

Recently, I had a friend text me in a situation, where she needed support. I was in a meeting, and told her I could contact her after the meeting. She got ahold of another "Support Person", she has in her life; and they talked her "off the ledge", so to speak (she was NOT suicidal, btw). I talked to her 2 days, later; and I felt myself feeling a little "salty" over the fact I wasn't able to help her in that moment. I told her, "That's a moment you tell me it's a 911-type situation". THREE DAYS later, I was able to reconcile the FACT that I got my "feel bads" hurt, because she had someone else that was able to help her in that moment - and it wasn't me!!! HELLO??! I'm sitting here, now, feeling so grateful that she has such a good support system; and embarrassed that my ego was all up in that mess in my head!!!

My "No"…

By Connie J... • September 8, 2025

...now has power, at least for me. As a child, and over half of my adult life, my no was basically useless; especially when I REALLY needed it. I had this epiphany, recently, while watching Wicked, for the gagillionth time...lol. Glinda says it numerous times - to the monkeys, the Emerald Guard, etc, because she REALLY believes she can stop them with her "No!". Realistically, not effective - on them. But, it's what's INSIDE her, that makes ALL the difference - even if it doesn't work on others, it EMPOWERS HER!!! As adults, even though we have NO control over what others do - we can choose how we are going to react, etc; exactly what we are willing to tolerate in our lives. WE DO get to say, "No!", sometimes - remember this!!! Incorporate it into your daily interactions - both with others, AND that self-talk!!! Does this ring true, to you? Are you ready to take back, and be EMPOWERED by YOUR "No!!!"??! We would LOVE to hear any insight you might have. Please contact the ministry via this website; or email us at Ozer Ministries, Inc - ozerministries@att.net ; or my email - Connie J... - beamererin@yahoo.com . Have a good day, and be safe!!! #ENDtheSILENCEofVIOLENCE #isityou #domesticviolenceiseverywhere #youarenotalone #doyouknow

Frenzied Thinking...

By Connie J... • August 25, 2025

I used to just sit and think - not the productive kind, but frenzied!!! My brain would just "sit and spin", if you will. This is NOT a productive thought process - talk about high anxiety!!!

"Filling Your Day..."

By Connie J... • August 11, 2025

As I sit here and drink my coffee, every morning, I contemplate my plans for the day. My planner is usually open, and iykyk, I have alarms set for EVERYTHING!!! lol I delete alarms, as I accomplish my goals; and check off my planner, periodically. This helps me keep my "structure", which as you may know, kind of exploded on me the end of April, and beyond. I FINALLY, after struggling to regain it, decided to just start over - though freeing; a bit of an uphill battle. Things are moving forward, and am feeling less stressed. NOW, to get my BP to please my new Dr.

Seizing the Power of Secrets…

By Connie J... • August 4, 2025

I grew up keeping "Family Secrets" I didn't even know existed!!! Sometimes, when around people that knew my family wasn't QUITE a "Norman Rockwell" family; I always felt like the butt of some joke. As I got older, my brain, often unbeknownst to my conscious thought, started putting things together; and eventually after asking several trusted people - confirmed them to be true. So, when these secrets were confirmed, I started talking - not really to intentionally hurt anyone; but because it confirmed to ME that I wasn't nuts!!! Secrets are VERRRRRRY powerful, AND stressful!!! One of the many caveats to keeping secrets, is that often, it's NOT your secret to tell. I mean, if you were abused in any way - shout that from the rooftops, baby!!! If they didn't want people to know their true selves, they should have made better choices. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of!!! But, if you're entrusted with someone else's family secrets, that's, as I always say, "NOT my charter." Meaning, that sharing their secret is not your job to do. It's their choice - but, IT CAN STILL BE STRESSFUL for you!!! This is where you seize YOUR power back, from that secret. Put it into proper perspective, to avoid it stressing you out. If possible, talk to the person whose secret/s you're keeping, and explain how it makes you feel. That's where the power/stress of that secret comes from - when your choice is removed. Now, if a conversation simply isn't possible, you yourself, have the power to remove that stress. It's not easy - but if you choose to do something, and stick to it - NOBODY can stop you!!! Amiright??! We would LOVE to hear any insight you might have. Please contact the ministry via this website; or email us at Ozer Ministries, Inc - ozerministries@att.net ; or my email - Connie J... - beamererin@yahoo.com . Have a good day, and be safe!!! #ENDtheSILENCEofVIOLENCE #isityou #domesticviolenceiseverywhere #youarenotalone #doyouknow